5 Waterbeds You Would Have to Be Crazy to Own

Back in the 70s and 80s, waterbeds were all the rage, yet when they fell out of favor in the 90s, it was no surprise to us. Waterbeds require special care, regular maintenance – and they’re heavy as hell. More importantly, you don’t have to be a water damage restoration specialist to realize that a broken waterbed can cause a ton of damage.

While all water beds are a bad idea, we’ve found the worst of the worst.

1. The Tranquility Pod

Tranquility Pod - a waterbed that detects your heartbeat, vibrates, and empties your wallet

This giant white orb is as modern as waterbeds come. Not only is this a water bed, but it also syncs with your smartphone to play music through its built-in sound system. Think that’s over the top? The bed also pulses to the beat of the music via the subwoofer in its base. Still not enough for you? There’s even a space-age pulse sensor that detects your heartbeat and synchronizes with the pod’s LED lighting, dimming the lights as you drift off to sleep.

So how could this tranquility pod waterbed go wrong? First of all, buying this waterbed will cost you $30,000. And that’ll be thirty grand down the drain if this waterbed pops and makes all its fancy technology useless.

(Side note: if you’ve ever want to sleep in a giant futuristic ash tray, you should just go ahead and buy it.)

2. The Hamburger Bed

A water bed that looks like a giant cheeseburger

The hamburger bed is just what it sounds like – a waterbed made to look like a hamburger. Why? It’s not important. The real question – why is it called the hamburger bed when there is clearly a slice of cheese on top? We might never know. But what we do know is this – the hamburger bed is likely for your viewing pleasure only. If this colossal sesame seed bun were to burst, there’d just be one sad burger and a lot of wet valuables left to remember it by.

(Side note: also available in animal style.)

3. The Waterbed on Wheels

Mobile water bed for towing behind a bike

Okay, so you’re working on a tighter budget. The good news is that you can still find a waterbed that is practical – and mobile, too.

This towable waterbed is capable of being towed behind your bicycle. When you’re ready for a picnic on the river, or maybe you just want to snooze of to sleep, just pop this baby in the water and float on.

What could possibly go wrong? Well, a few things. First of all, you need to tow this waterbed with your bike – which could be a little strenuous on hot summer days. Second, you need to be near water to appreciate its glory. And lastly, you wouldn’t want to be sleeping in this waterbed when it springs a leak in the wee hours of the morning.

(Side note: Okay, we’ll admit this one is kind of cool.)

4. The Relaxman Relaxation Capsule

Relaxman relaxation pod, a crazy $50,000 waterbed

The Relaxman Relaxation Capsule gets us back in the big spender category of waterbeds.

Looking like a futuristic space pod, the capsule is light, heat, and sound proof and equipped with a body-temperature water mattress. Need to take a minute away from the kids? Hope into this pod and lock the world away. The Relaxman’s Amazon listing claims that just 50 minutes in the relaxation capsule can reduce depression, anxiety, and all-around stress.

The bad news is that you’re going to need it. While you could always go for a 50 minute float at a public float tank for under $100, the Relaxman will set you back a cool $50,000. You better use this thing daily to get his money’s worth.

(Side note: the Relaxman could be worth the investment if you’re battling cloaked Romulans.)

5. The James Bond Aquarium Waterbed

A fish-filled waterbed from James Bond's Diamonds are Forever

It’s a bed. A water bed.

The aquarium waterbed from James Bond’s Diamonds Are Forever is a classic example of misinformation – and gloriousness. This see-through water bed actually resembles more of a tub, especially with the way the white fur on Jill St. John resembles soap suds from afar.

This fish-filled waterbed spawned a series of inquiries: is it possible? Can fish survive in a waterbed? How do I feed them? Will they die? The answer is yes, yes they will. Fish cannot survive in a waterbed because

  1. There’s no way to get food safely into the bed after it’s filled
  2. The bed needs to be filled with anti-fungal waterbed conditioner to prevent mold, which would kill the fish, and
  3. There’s just no way to safely get fish inside of your water bed without having to replace them every few days as they die off.

(Side note: the Bond waterbed wasn’t actually filled with fish – they simply lined the bed with fish tanks for effect.)